Elegies
Grief is something that will affect us all at some point, but it remains quite a taboo topic.
That’s a real shame because it makes bereaved people feel isolated, just at the moment when they may need the most support.
This creates a harmful cycle: because we don’t talk to people who are grieving about their grief, we are left badly prepared to deal with our own grief when it happens.
My project Elegies challenges this damaging taboo.
I’ve thought about and experienced grief for quite a long time. When I was a teenager, one of my best friends lost his Dad, and his grief was difficult to watch.
When my own Mum died, shortly before I turned 30, he was an enormous support to me.
Since then I’ve talked to many other people about their griefs and undergone training as a volunteer “grief companion”.
For my Elegies project, I’ve been talking to bereaved people about their lost loved one, and then writing a piece that honours them.
The conversations are very personal and often very moving, but what strikes me about them is not how sad they are, but how filled with love they are.
That’s because there’s no grief without love.
Responses from elegy recipients
Die Mutter eines kleinen Sohnes, der sehr plötzlich und tragisch starb, schrieb:
von ganzem Herzen möchte ich dir danken für das Lied, das du für meinen Sohn komponiert hast. Worte reichen kaum aus, um zu beschreiben, wie sehr es mich berührt, dass du ihm eine eigene Melodie geschenkt hast – einem Kind, das du nie persönlich kennenlernen konntest und das doch durch deine Musik so lebendig geworden ist.
Du hast ihm nicht einfach nur zugehört, indem du meine Worte aufgenommen hast – du hast zwischen den Zeilen gehört, hast gefühlt, was unausgesprochen geblieben ist. Und genau das spüre ich in jeder einzelnen Note. In deinem Lied liegt so viel Zartheit, so viel Achtung und so viel ehrliche Nähe, dass es sich anfühlt, als hättest du einen Teil seines Wesens behutsam aufgefangen und ihm einen Platz gegeben, an dem er weiter existieren darf. Einen Ort, an dem er nicht verloren ist, sondern klingt, atmet und erinnert wird.
Für mich ist dieses Lied weit mehr als ein musikalisches Geschenk. Es ist Trost. Es ist Anerkennung. Es ist ein leiser, aber kraftvoller Beweis dafür, dass mein Sohn Spuren hinterlassen hat – auch in Herzen von Menschen, die ihn nie sehen konnten. Deine Musik sagt: Er war da. Er war wichtig. Er wird gehört.
Dass du ihm mit so viel Empathie, Sensibilität und Respekt begegnet bist, bewegt mich zutiefst. Du hast seiner Erinnerung Raum gegeben, ohne sie zu vereinnahmen, und genau darin liegt etwas ungemein Wertvolles. Dieses Lied trägt eine Wärme in sich, die mich auffängt, wenn Worte fehlen, und mich begleitet, wenn die Sehnsucht besonders laut wird.
Ich bin dir unendlich dankbar für dieses Geschenk, für deine Offenheit, dein Mitgefühl und deine Kunst. Dieses Lied wird für mich immer ein kostbarer Schatz sein – etwas, das ich behüte, weil es aus echtem Mitgefühl entstanden ist.
In tiefer Dankbarkeit
Stefanie
The mother of a young son who died very suddenly and tragically wrote (translated from the original German):
I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for the song you composed for my son. Words are hardly enough to describe how much it touches me that you gave him his own melody - a child who you never knew personally and who through your music has come to life so much.
You didn't just listen to him by taking in what I said - you heard between the lines, felt what remained unsaid. And that's exactly what I feel in every single note. There is so much tenderness, so much respect and so much honest intimacy in your song that it feels as if you have carefully captured a part of his being and given him a place where he can continue to exist. A place where he is not lost, but resonates, breathes and is remembered.
For me, this song is much more than a musical gift. It's comfort. It's recognition. It is a quiet but powerful proof that my son has left a mark - even in the hearts of people who were never able to see him. Your music says: He was there. He was important. He will be heard.
The fact that you treated him with so much empathy, sensitivity and respect moves me deeply. You gave space to his memory without taking it over, and there is something incredibly valuable in that. This song carries a warmth that catches me when I can’t speak, and accompanies me when the longing becomes particularly intense.
I am eternally grateful to you for this gift, for your openness, your compassion and your art. This song will always be a precious treasure to me - something I treasure because it was born of true compassion.
With deep gratitude
Stefanie
WE made the snow fly upwards — elegy for jane
I wrote this piece on behalf of Will, who lost his mother Jane. Here’s what Will has to say about the piece:
Every time I hear this piece, it stops me. The tune feels like snow floating — light, weightless, almost defying gravity — and it takes back to standing at the top of the Empire State Building with you. That moment when we made the snow fly upwards. Pure magic. This composition holds that same feeling. Wonder. Awe. Love.
It reminds me of how anything felt possible when we were together. Together, we really could do anything. Our combined power was incredible — stronger than fear, stronger than the world below us. There’s joy in these notes, but also a deep ache, because I miss you more than words can say. Still, when I listen, I feel you with me — in the quiet, in the memories, in the magic we shared.
This is our tribute to you, Jane. Thank you for the moments that still rise, just like that snow, and for a love that will never fall back down.